How to Stay True to Yourself Despite Social Pressure.
Gain Confidence in Your Decision-Making and Stand Your Ground in Life.
In my life there have been multiple (to put it lightly) occasions when my decisions have been questioned. I frequently have had to stand up for what I believed in and resisted push back from friends and family. I have grown over the years and I have learned to balance my hard-headed independence with a more open-minded approach to decisions and consideration of the thoughts of others whom I know care deeply for me. Ultimately, however, I lay a lot of the weight of my decision-making on my own insights and opinions and allow myself to have the final say of what I think is best for me. My ability to trust my judgement and act in harmony with my values, interests, and passions, have allowed me to explore my life and myself in more ways than I would have been able to do otherwise. In this article I will address the problem of peer pressure and present reasons why you should practice standing for what you want in life and how to do so.
We live in a world where social interaction, social support and social bonding are core components of our existence. We need the presence of others in our life to establish a sense of being, a standard of wellness, and a sense of identity. Without our social networks these things are difficult to obtain as we grow, if at all possible. However, along with the things that we gain from our social circles, there are also challenges that arise and one common challenge we all face is social pressure. Most, if not all humans have experienced the pressure to conform to satisfy the expectations and desires of others. If you haven’t felt this pressure, you might not be human. It is actually completely normal to want to fit in and feel that you are a part of a community since belonging to a community comes with resources that we need as humans, things like nourishment, love, and support. Our instinctual desire for community actually serves to help us survive in life.
Now, I didn’t write this article to tell you that your people pleasing, and persistent conforming behavior is completely natural and therefore you should stop resisting it. Not at all. In fact, there is a downside to these instinctual behaviors and that is that it can lead us to lose sight of who we are and what we are all about if we go too far down the path of perpetual conformity. Constantly feeling pressured to do something that you don’t want to do in life, whether it’s with work, your personal time or your personal relationships can be an unhealthy thing and it can make you feel like your life isn’t really your own. If you are easily swayed to do things that others want you to do, your sense of control and direction in life can start to dwindle.
How it affects you.
This can easily become a problem when the opinions of others regarding issues that affect your life hold more weight and influence than your own. Nobody gives their opinion that weight but you. Allowing others to heavily influence your decisions could cause you to lose trust and confidence in your own decision-making ability, restrict you from exploring things you may really be interested in, and possibly decrease your passion and enthusiasm in the things you do long-term. Having confidence in yourself and your decisions is an important skill that must be developed, this is hard to achieve if you constantly seek the opinions of others or allow the opinions of others to trump your own judgement. When it comes to exploring personal interests, too much input from others can also be a barrier since it takes a good amount of trial, error, and self-discovery to reflect on things you might be interested in and further explore them. If you put too much weight on what others deem acceptable or appropriate, you could potentially miss out on what you truly care about in life. Ultimately, if you allow yourself to constantly give in to social pressures you may find yourself living a life that makes you feel unfulfilled and detached.
Why it’s important to stay true to yourself.
Standing for what you believe in takes practice and courage. Learning to be assertive, firm, and self-assured will allow you to begin taking back control of your life and establish healthier relationships with others. When you learn to speak up for what you want and stand your ground when faced with external influences, you will more effectively be able to communicate what you truly want. You will also get to experience the things that matter most to you and live in line with your values, interests, and needs. Instead of feeling that you have to do things in order to be accepted or liked, you will begin to first ask yourself what you need and what you prefer to do and this will hold priority. These behaviors serve to boost confidence and self-esteem levels as well.
LEARNING TO STAND UP FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN
I would like to go through some exercises and mental shifts that I feel will help you practice standing your ground, being assertive and speaking up for what you believe in. If you personally struggle with this it may be due mainly to how you feel or view yourself. Things like low self-esteem and low confidence can create behaviors that end up putting your needs last and the needs or opinions of others first. This is wrong, and practicing the following exercises will help you begin the journey of considering your needs and interests first in decisions that affect your life.
How to do this exercise: think about a dilemma you are currently facing where a decision you want to make in your life is being challenged with the opinions of other people. Go through the following questions and apply your circumstances to the questions.
Where is the pressure coming from?
First identify where the pressure is coming from since this will help you to calculate your response and influence how much mental preparedness this process will require. If the pressure is coming from close friends or family members, it is best to share your thoughts and feelings with them openly so that they understand where you are coming from and why your decision matters to you. Keep lines of communication with close friends and family open if possible since these people are invested in you and usually only want the best for you. If you are feeling pressured by a spouse this situation requires a lot of communication. Understanding where your spouse is emotionally and mentally is just as important as your emotions and position when considering the decision you want to make. If the pressure is from acquaintances or people you don’t have a close relationship with, you don’t owe too much of an explanation if you do not wish to do so.
What are they asking you to do? Does it conflict with your needs, values, or interests?
What are the opinions or directions that you are hearing? Do these opinions feel right to you or not? Do they go against the things that you care about in life? Addressing these questions will help you see where you stand and where this might differ from others. This sort of reflection is important because it allows you to start tapping into different nuances about yourself that make up a big part of you. This provides you with insight that you can then share with your family and friends.
What are the implications of doing what you want to do and rejecting their opinion? What are the possible consequences of following their opinion?
Next it is important to consider the consequences. Think about what might happen if you choose to listen to the advice of others and therefore reject your own needs and wishes. Think about long-term effects as much if not more than you consider short-term consequences. How might this influence the trajectory of your life? Or your sense of independence, individualism and freedom? How might this conflict with your values, your character, or things you truly care about in your life? How might this affect your relationship with other people? Is this a decision that will affect the lives of others as well? In what way will it affect them? What does that mean to you?
Once you have thought through the consequences this will further influence the way you can go about communicating your position. If there is a risk for damage in a relationship this does not mean that you should automatically dismiss your desires to keep the peace or stay in good standing, this would again be giving into social pressures at the expense of your own well-being. Instead, if is a relationship you care about preserving, then the approach you have in communicating your position and your needs will be the way to go, not dismissing your goals.
What do you feel is best for you based on your needs, values and interests?
Next, you’ll have to take a hard look at who you are and what matters most to you. Think about the way you wish to live your life and what you would like to get the chance to experience. If you don’t know what your values or interests are I recommend looking at Brené Brown’s values exercise to begin to get in touch with what matters most to you in life, since those things will come up time and time again. Once you have taken time to think about what drives you in life, consider which decision is more in line with those drivers and allow that to guide your decision.
This reflection builds up the ammo to what is considered your “why”, the reasoning and influence behind your desires. You, as well as those that care about you need to know WHY this matters to you. And if those people truly care about you they will want you to be happy and for you to do the things that make you feel most complete.
Decide and communicate.
The final step is deciding what you will do, and now with a lot more clarity and confidence around why you feel you must make that decision and why it is the best for you at this point in your life. Share your thoughts and feelings with your friends and loved ones and its possible that they get on the same page and give their support and encouragement. It may happen that you don’t get the feedback you would like from others, however, and perhaps they get upset because of the decisions you want to make. In these circumstances it is important to go back to understanding what drives you in life and the “why” behind your decisions. Staying true to yourself will always reap the highest reward.
If you have any questions about this article or if you simply want to share your thoughts and personal results after reading this article please don’t hesitate to reach out to me at info@lauriejimenez.com!
